One of the most frustrating aspects of Fibromyalgia is the "Fibro Fog."
I just feel like I am a lot dumber than I was before. My memory is atrocious. I couldn't concentrate to save my life, and I struggle to wrap my mind around subjects. When I write, I have difficulty seeing beyond an individual scene. I cannot see the big picture, so my writing has a fragmented feel.
My brain has difficulty revving up. The feeling is like my mind is almost always stuck in first gear, at a primeval level of brain function. I can follow what is happening in the moment, but I struggle to think beyond raw observations. My senses send signals to my brain about what is going on around me, and my brain just leaves the input unprocessed. I see, I hear, I smell, but I don't rationalize.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
A charmed life?
After this afternoon's two hour nap, I lied in bed reading a book. The thought occurred to me that I live a charmed life. Most Normals are sitting at their unhappy desks in gloomy, gray cubicles, working for idiots. Meanwhile, I and other FMers get to lie around all day, doing nothing at all.
Before this thought was even finished, the reality set in- the bleak reality of constant agony, the exasperating inability to concentrate, the exhausting drain felt after even the simplest of actions, the feeling that I've been 90 since I was 9.
I sat here at the keyboard, believing I might be able to focus long enough to bang out a blog post, but I can't get through three words without my mind freezing up. Words once came to me when I needed them. I was once able to complete a sentence without losing my train of thought to this mental BSOD.
How can I consider this life to be charmed? A better word for it would be cursed. I am cursed with eternal pain and exhaustion, never able to remember, never able to complete what I begin. Doomed always to rely upon others.
Conquered by FM back when I was young and vibrant, my life has slowly wasted away. I'm 35 years old, and I've accomplished nothing. Each time I've reached for I dream, my arm has been pulled back by an invisible adversary. The whole of my existence can be summed up in one word: pain.
Pain is my everything- my bitter enemy, my constant companion, my bitter enemy, the mother and father of my every action, the center of my every thought. Every minute of every day, my goal is simple- minimize the pain. I must avoid anything that may increase the pain. In so doing, I avoid anything that may bring pleasure. I avoid anything that may bring satisfaction. I avoid life itself. I feel forever unsatisfied, always tortured, alway pained.
Before this thought was even finished, the reality set in- the bleak reality of constant agony, the exasperating inability to concentrate, the exhausting drain felt after even the simplest of actions, the feeling that I've been 90 since I was 9.
I sat here at the keyboard, believing I might be able to focus long enough to bang out a blog post, but I can't get through three words without my mind freezing up. Words once came to me when I needed them. I was once able to complete a sentence without losing my train of thought to this mental BSOD.
How can I consider this life to be charmed? A better word for it would be cursed. I am cursed with eternal pain and exhaustion, never able to remember, never able to complete what I begin. Doomed always to rely upon others.
Conquered by FM back when I was young and vibrant, my life has slowly wasted away. I'm 35 years old, and I've accomplished nothing. Each time I've reached for I dream, my arm has been pulled back by an invisible adversary. The whole of my existence can be summed up in one word: pain.
Pain is my everything- my bitter enemy, my constant companion, my bitter enemy, the mother and father of my every action, the center of my every thought. Every minute of every day, my goal is simple- minimize the pain. I must avoid anything that may increase the pain. In so doing, I avoid anything that may bring pleasure. I avoid anything that may bring satisfaction. I avoid life itself. I feel forever unsatisfied, always tortured, alway pained.
A Charmed Life? A Pained Life
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Introduction
Bros with fiBro
A blog by, for, and about men trying to deal with fibromyalgia
Welcome.
On this blog, I will be sharing my experiences as a man with fibromyalgia (FM), which is three times more likely to occur in women. I would also like to create a forum where other men can share their FM experiences.
Overview
Widespread pain and constant fatigue are the two primary symptoms of FM. These two factors conspire to limit my productive time to 5-15 minute blocks, which, if I'm lucky, occur 5-8 times in a day, for a total of 1-2 hours of usefulness. Unfortunately, the majority of these productive periods are consumed by such essential activities as eating, getting water, using the toilet, bathing, and dressing.
I generally have 15-20 minutes a day to accomplish some task beyond basic bodily requirements. During these periods, I schedule medical appointments, slog through disability paperwork, and generally just try to keep up with outside demands. 3-4 times a week, I am able to devote a productive chunk to a hobby, such as writing.
All of this has been my roundabout way of explaining why this blog may not be updated as often as others you follow.
Daily Life
wake up
lie in bed
eat breakfast
rest
bathe
rest
perhaps complete a chore
rest
eat lunch
rest
chore/hobby
nap
rest
eat supper
rest
brush teeth
sleep
During some of these rest periods, I am able to read. Otherwise, I watch TV or try to sleep.
My first series of posts will cover the symptoms from head to toe, one chunk of anatomical real estate at a time. Afterward, I'll post a list of Frequently UNasked Questions (FUNQ).
I'll try to clean this up when I can, but I'm tired now, and my head is throbbing a little more than the baseline.
Thank you,
Hutch
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